Hey, Families! Get a DVR So You’ll Never Have to Talk Again!

Hey, Families! Get a DVR So You’ll Never Have to Talk Again!

That’s what all of these ads for multiple DVRs should just come out and say. The examples they show, where you move from room to room watching the same damn show—while you eat! While you loaf on the couch! While you pick your nose in bed!—are downright detestable. Forget living your life. Why would you want to live in reality when you can watch M*A*S*H reruns or all of your taped reality shows all day, every day of your life?

Numb yourself with beer and DVR’d shows and you will BE HAPPY.

The latest radio ad I heard is even more disturbing. Get a new DVR package for every room in your house so the kids can watch their shows in the family room while you two snuggle in your bedroom watching something else. Because, you know, God forbid you spend a single MINUTE together as a family without the TV on, let alone one apart without it blaring!

We do have a DVR in our house; we do. But we use it to tape shows we will be too busy doing real live THINGS to watch it—such as cleaning or gardening or working or playing or going to the park or whatever else it is that we living, breathing humans are supposed to be doing—not because we’re too busy watching other shows, or because we want to fill our off-time with television. Sometimes we might record something scary or action-packed because we can’t watch it while our daughter is awake, of course; I’d never let my five-year-old watch Law and Order, for Pete’s sake. But to watch TV in every room—and to be afraid to miss a moment while you go to the kitchen to get more food or go to the john to take a leak when, you know, you could just pause it and start it again later—is just ridiculous.

Way to make us into even lazier, consumer-driven creatures, cable companies. Maybe next you can make us some kind of auto-feeder a la Wall-E so we can keep holding down the furniture as we watch hours upon hours of TV a night. How about something that can make it to where we can watch it while we sleep, too? I definitely would rather my daughter grow up on iCarly and Hannah Montana or whatever else it is girls are supposed to watch rather than, say, with memories of us playing Sorry.